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A “Shorter” Matt Kibbe:

Because absolutely every person who voted for Obama in November is a commie whose sole interpretive lens for things that happen in the world is Steven Soderbergh’s Guevara biopic, The Media is totally lying about the meaning of the Teabag Fiestas, which is that absolutely every person who voted for Obama in November is a Godfearing Republican who was tricked into thinking that Obama would cancel taxes.

Because The Media is totally lying its Big Media head off, the only outlet that can be trusted for a reliable estimate of crowd size at the Teabag Fiestas is the same organization that coordinated those parties, except there was no coordination at all and the claim that there was is just a Big Media Lie, so therefore it must be understood that there were at least twice as many people at these events than claimed by any other source, making the Teabag Fiestas almost a fraction as populous as the war protests that have been occurring all over the world for the past six years.

Really folks, everything that ever happens in the world can be best understood through the sole interpretive lens of the pseudoscientific ramblings of that Swiss Death ‘N Dying lady who charged grieving widows to get fucked by a swami who impersonated the ghosts of their late husbands and gave them all yeast infections at her cult compound in Arizona.

Also, the fact that David Axelrod is a campaign manager who became a Senior White House Advisor means that he is completely just like Karl Rove in every aspect, except that when Axelrod describes the Teabag Fiestas as an exercise of First Amendment rights, what he really means is that he intends to round the teabaggers up and send them to re-education camps.

In conclusion, the Teabag Fiestas are collectively the most important thing that has ever happened, for they presage a complete Republican takeover of Congress as early as November 2009, which will save America from Obama’s gay zombie wave of taxandspendy destruction.

Thanks a million, Memeorandum.

This whole “shorter” thang is, of course, a feeble nod to the archivists of internet traditions over at Sadly, No!